I’ve been thinking about how much fear money can hold over us, and how hard it can be to tell the difference between your intuition saying, “Not yet,” and your fear saying, “Stay exactly where you are.”

I remember two years ago when I spent around $400 on branding for Serene Moms. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was absolutely terrified. I had no moms in the community. No proof this community was going to work. No real evidence that I’d ever make that money back. I remember lying in bed wondering if I had just made the dumbest financial decision of my life.

Looking back now, I’m so incredibly grateful that I did it. That branding wasn’t magic. It wasn’t the reason Serene Moms exists today. But saying yes to that investment changed something inside of me. It was one of the first times I chose to believe in something before there was evidence that it would work.

I’ve noticed this pattern over and over again in my life.

Last year it was our country club membership. That decision honestly scared me just as much. It scared my partner too, and for good reason. It’s a lot of money every year. When you grow up being taught to save every dollar and be careful with every purchase, spending thousands of dollars on something that isn’t a necessity can feel almost irresponsible.

But I kept coming back to one question: What am I actually buying?

At first I thought I was buying a gym membership. I wasn’t. I was buying peace. I was buying walks by myself. Yoga classes. Time with Sofia. A place that encouraged me to slow down instead of constantly rushing. I was buying a healthier body, a calmer nervous system, and honestly… a happier version of myself.

Now, almost a year later, I can’t imagine not having it. I’ll probably be a member for the rest of my life. What’s funny is that I originally worried it would take away from my business because it was such a big expense. Instead, it did the exact opposite.

When I started taking care of myself, I became more creative. I had more energy. I thought more clearly. I showed up better for our community. I actually became a better entrepreneur because I finally stopped treating my own well-being like it was optional. Looking back, that membership wasn’t really an expense. It was an investment in becoming the version of myself that could build the life I wanted.

That’s something no one really teaches us. We’re taught to ask, “Can I afford this?” But maybe another question is just as important: “Who could I become because of this?”

Obviously every investment isn’t the right one. Not every expensive thing is worth buying. Discernment matters. Budgets matter. None of this is about spending recklessly or pretending money doesn’t matter. But I do think fear has a way of disguising itself as practicality. Sometimes it’s wisdom, and sometimes it’s just an old story we’ve been carrying for years.

I’ve started wondering if money is really just another form of energy. Something that moves. Something that flows. Something that allows us to exchange one thing for another. Sometimes we exchange money for more time. Sometimes for better health. Sometimes for healing. Sometimes for experiences that completely change the direction of our lives. Yet so many of us have been taught that the goal is simply to hold onto it as tightly as possible.

I’ve realized that some of the biggest shifts in my life happened after I invested in something that scared me. The branding. The country club. Even starting this community in the first place. Every single one felt terrifying before it felt obvious.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing this today. Because I know there are moms sitting on the edge of decisions right now. Maybe it’s a retreat. Maybe it’s therapy. Maybe it’s finally taking the class they’ve wanted to take for years. I don’t think every scary investment is the right one. But I also don’t think fear should automatically get the final say.

Sometimes the very thing that feels the scariest is the doorway into the next version of yourself. And sometimes, looking back, you realize you were never really spending money at all. You were investing in the woman you were becoming.